


RompHim? I Hardly Know Him

by speccygeekgrrl



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Gen, Jonah doesn't deserve this, Kinga is the absolute worst, No one deserves this, male rompers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 11:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10965990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl/pseuds/speccygeekgrrl
Summary: Kinga decides to make the show a little more fashion-forward. The bots do not approve. Jonah contemplates whether to die is more noble than to live like this.





	RompHim? I Hardly Know Him

**Author's Note:**

> As soon as I saw about the RompHim on Facebook, this was like my second thought. I can't help myself.

"I bet today is the day we break him," Kinga said brightly, fixing her collar before she reached out to call up to the Satellite of Love. "I have a good feeling about today."

"Why today?" Max asked, but she just smiled beatifically at him until Jonah appeared on the monitor looking supremely uncomfortable. 

" _WHY_?" he asked immediately, leaning against the table so only his upper half was visible. His sleeves were short-- honestly, too short, given how gangly and tall he was. "Why are you doing this to me? What did I do to you? Why do you hate me?"

"Forget him, why do you hate _us_?" Crow asked. "This is cruel and unusual bot torture! We have rights too!"

"No you don't," Kinga said. "What's wrong, Jonah, are you uncomfortable being this fashion-forward? Rompers for men are totally in now. It's not that different from your usual jumpsuit."

"This _is_ different," Jonah said. "I mean, fashion, rompers, whatever. But you didn't take my stature into account when you sent these abominations up and stole all my normal jumpsuits. I'm... _indecent_ in this thing."

"Buffalo shot all day long," Tom said mournfully. "Seriously, those things were not designed for guys Jonah's size."

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad," Kinga said. "Are you afraid to strut your stuff?"

"I've had girlfriends who haven't seen this much of me. Max, come on, stand up for me please."

"No way," Max said. "If I stand up for you she'll make me wear them next, and they'd look a lot worse on me. Nah. Take it like a man, Heston."

"I can't even believe how much you suck," Jonah said. "Kinga. Please. I'm begging you. Give me my jumpsuits back. I'm not eye candy, you have no reason to want to put me on display, just give me my modesty back."

"Nah," she said brightly. "I think you're exaggerating. Take a few steps back and spin around." Jonah crossed his arms and thinned his lips stubbornly, and Kinga grinned. "Do it or I turn off your oxygen."

"You are the worst human being who has ever existed in this or any other dimension," Jonah gritted out, took a steadying breath, and backed up from the table. 

If he'd been six inches shorter, it might not have been so bad. But Jonah was 6'5" and the yellow romper looked like daisy dukes on his lanky frame. Tom hadn't been kidding about the buffalo shot. Jonah kept his hands in front of himself, going red at the appraising gaze Kinga gave him.

"It's not that bad," she purred, and Max elbowed her.

"No, he's right, it's that bad. You can't do this to him."

"I'm sorry, are you arguing with me? Because you could easily be next."

"Empty threat," Max said. "You don't want to see my fat ass in a romper any more than I actually want to wear one. And frankly, I just don't want to keep looking at him like that. I'm embarrassed on his behalf."

"Thanks, I think," Jonah said bitterly.

"Spin around," Kinga demanded, and Jonah turned around and refused to face her again. "Are you sure you're not eye candy? You've got a nice ass."

"Please just go back to torturing me like normal and not objectifying me like this," Jonah said. "I don't deserve this. I've never catcalled a woman in my entire life. I'm progressive and respectful and I try to be a good person and this is just completely humiliating."

"You act like that's not the point," Kinga said. "That's most of the point."

"Most of it?"

"Some of the point is to be fashionable."

"I'm in the middle of space! I'm freezing my ass off in this stupid thing and the bots keep making fun of me and I don't even care if you shut off my oxygen, I think I might rather die than let you keep doing this to me."

"God, you're no fun at all," Kinga sighed. "Tell you what. You keep the romper for this movie, and I'll send your jumpsuits back up by the end of it."

"Promise?"

"Nope."

"Her promises aren't worth anything anyways," Max said. "Take the deal, Jonah. It's the best you're likely to get." Jonah sighed and looked over his shoulder.

"Send us the movie, then."

"Between the clothes and the schlocky sex-drenched seventies disco thriller, I think today is the day you lose your mind, Heston. Enter the nightmare-fueled world of The Stud! Send them the movie!"

"Movie in the hole," Ardy said, throwing the switch. Jonah practically ran off at the movie sign, and Kinga turned to Max, a huge grin on her face.

"You're so evil," Max said respectfully. "Did you do that on purpose or did you just forget how tall he is?"

"Does it matter?" 

"I mean, I guess the end result is the same."

"I didn't realize he'd be so precious about it, that was a nice bonus."

"In his defense, that romper was verging on obscene. I don't know why you didn't just modify one of his jumpsuits." Kinga's eyes lit up.

"That's not a bad idea."

"You said you'd give them back..."

"I didn't say they'd be intact," Kinga chirped. "Come on, Max. Break out the sewing machine, we've got some hemming to do."


End file.
